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Lyrics

Dear God, you made many many board members
I realize of course that it's no shame to be on the board
But it's no great honor either
So what would have been so terrible
If I could sit over there, in the head chair

If I were the chairman
Ya ha Diyah diyah Diyah Diyah Diyah Diyah dum
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
If I were the primo man
I wouldn't have to work hard
Ya ha Diyah diyah Diyah Diyah Diyah Diyah dum

If I could could just fill that special niche
I’d lie around and make a tidy sum

I'd build a big headquarters with rooms by the dozen
Right in the middle of the town
A false high roof with rickety floors below
There could be one long stock chart just going up
And one even longer coming down
And one more leading nowhere just for show
I'd fill my board with chicks and monkeys and yes men
And dopes for the Street to see and hear
Nodding just as fervently as they can
And each loud yes sir, of course sir, kick me in the butt sir
Would land like a kiss upon my rear
As if to say here is the greatest man
Oyyyy
If I were the chairman
Ya ha diyadiyadiyadiya deeya dum
All day long I'd really be a bum
If I were the top head man
I wouldn't have to work hard
Ya ha diyadiyadiyadiya deeya dum

If I weren’t even worth a damn
Yaida deeta daitle what a scam
I see my CEO my gold pass living the good life with bonuses he just don't deserve
Running meetings to his hearts delight
I see him putting on airs and strutting like a peacock
Oy what a happy mood he's in
Screaming at the workers day and night

The important analysts in town will come to fawn on me
They will ask me to advahise them
Like a Solomon the wise
If you please Mr. Chairman
Pardon me Mr. Chairman
Posing questions that would change their sells to buy
I hear them, I hear them, I hear them
And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong
When you're chair they think you really know

If I were chair I'd have the time that I like to sit in the boardroom and pray
And maybe have a seat by the feasting wall
And I'd discuss the two sets of books without the auditors several hours every day
That would be the sweetest thing of all
Aaaw. If I were the chairman
Ya ha diya diya diya diya diya diya dum
All day long I'd sit here looking dumb
If I were the number one man
I wouldn't have to work hard
Ya ha diya diya diya diya dum

Board who's lying with members on the lam
You decreed I should be what I am
Would it spoil some some vast eternal plan
If I were the chairman